Surviving 2017

This year was very eventful. It all began with the trip to NYC to watch the ball drop. Streets barricaded from times square all the way up to Central Park. Sidewalks were packed with people from all walks of life. You have the street corner guys selling tickets to ball drop events, handing their flyers for rooftops parties. The temperature was very mild for that time of year, I imagine it to be really cold based on the clothes of what people wore to the event when I watched it on TV. This time it was just perfect!

This is also the year that I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I have been struggling with it for years, didnt really understood what it was until my anxiety got worse. I have been losing sleep,  and even if I do get sleep it just feels that im just laying there with mind awake.  It’s like living in a box which im struggling to get out of. Decided to seek professional help, it is still a struggle but all I can do is take it one day at a time and keep taking the pill that would eventually lead me out of the rabbit hole.

That trip to Las Vegas was quite eventful. It was supposed to be the trips of all trips for I was celebrating my bornday at the end of September.  I took a trip with my lady friend from the UK to spend some time in Sin City, and the plan was to go to all these hotspot food places, bars and maybe go to a strip club. What the heck was I thinking? I am very well almost into half of my life and here I was thinking that I can party like I was a teenager. So needless to say the best part of that trip was the sleeping part because that is all what we did, as soon as we checked in the place we were down for the count. We won a  good sum at the tables and we were smart enough to take our winnings to feed our big appetites. Saw a show about two grown up males that made balloon animals with their genitals and it resides in the Erotic Heritage Museum.Screen Shot 2017-12-31 at 6.36.39 PM.pngBut on our last night, everything that was going so good all of a sudden went bad.  That was the night of the Las Vegas Shooting that killed 59 people and injured 546 people. It was truly a surreal experience.

Lastly, I got wasted during our annual pajama party with friends. I feel like I was set up but then again it is I who started chugging glass after glass after glass of brandy so I cant even blame anybody but myself. I didnt really believe the usual excuse “I didnt remember a thing” until it happened. I dont remember taking my specs off nor my watch, glad those were the only things I took off becuase it couldve been worse. Definitely there were pictures and I do appreciated the gesture of whoever took it did not posted it on facebook. Another good thing is my other set of friends who think like five year olds did not belong to this circle.  One of them already said that if she was there she would’ve drawed a male genital on my forehead. Go figure, you just gotta love them lol

There are a lot more things that had changed my life, my mind and my heart coming into 2018.  Things that would affect on how I would make decisions moving forward. I openly admit that I am naive, I generally think that people are innately good.  The truth will always set you free and I would appreciate a whole lot of truth at times when I am being blinded by my wants .  2017 is winding down and in a few hours it would soon be commited to memory, just like the sands of time that is slowly escaping through the cracks.  I welcome 2018 with open arms, although uncertain there is always that promise of a better year,  a better life with people who matters most.  Happy New Year everybody!

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Ponderings into the night….

As I get older, the days become shorter and the list of the things you want to do gets longer. People’s patience towards me becomes limited while I try my best to be the opposite. Then I woke up one day and wondered if this continuous cycle called life would ever have meaning. Would it all be worth anything in the end? Do we sleep to wake up or do we wake up so we can sleep? Maybe everything in this post is just pointless, or maybe there are some truths that it can be useful. Do we live for the moment or do we take a moment to live? So many questions, so little time.

In search of calmness

 

Would be nice if you could bottle this alongside common sense

Bottle of Patience with the side of optimism.

I found another medium to help alleviate work related stress and anxiety. I found myself drawing while I was on a call today at work. Didn’t really thought that I could draw until i just started doodling and this is what I came up with.  I think that is just apt that I name this bottle patience because this is something that cannot be bought. It is something that you are blessed with, and maybe if all mankind has the right amount of patience then the world would probably be less chaotic. I am still the optimist.

“To thine own self be true”

Hello?!?! Is this thing on? *tap**tap*. It had been a while since I wrote on this medium because although that my head are filled with things that would be worth writing, there are a lot of things that would restrain me from doing so,  like work…work… work…(im starting to hear Rihanna in my head) and sleep.

Other than time constraints, a big factor of me not being able to write is that I would always fight with myself  when I do.  Shakespeare did say “To thine own self be true” and this had been always a struggle.  This subject came up when a friend and I was discussing about what would be the hardest thing to do when you’re writing, the answer was to stop censoring yourself. I have to admit that she is absolutely correct. Even though I know that I am writing for my own sanity, my subconscious always dictates that I have to be PC and follow some sort of etiquette just in case somebody else other than me reads what i wrote. It didn’t really matter if I was utilizing the blog or the good ole pencil and paper, it always comes back to that same struggle with myself of not being true to thine self.

Another factor would be me just being lazy about it and just let my thoughts wander off until the idea gets lost and fall into the crevices of my brain. That is probably why I resorted to photography because it is the same as writing but only with pictures.  I know that this blog is a work in progress.  As you can see there are gaps (big ones) in between each entry, but hopefully I would be able to fill it with things that  would make sense to me more than to you. If that would to happen, then I know that I have achieved my goal of getting past the struggle.

Random

At the end of the day, there are somethings you just can’t help but talk about.
Some things, we just don’t want to hear. And some things we say because we can’t
be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They’re what you do.
Some things you say because there’s no other choice. Some things, you keep to
yourself. And not too often, but every now and then… some things simply speak for
themselves.